dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
