she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
