apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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