I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
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