Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
