quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
