drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
