Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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