I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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