I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
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I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
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I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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