Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
