Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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