I wish I could teleport
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
