Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Randomize
