You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Bring me that man meat
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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