I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
