i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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