dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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