We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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