Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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