If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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