Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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