Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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