now i know why i became what i already was.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
