he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I'm always down for nudity.
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