He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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