i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
