can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
