i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Someone shattered a urinal.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
