I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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