She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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