After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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