I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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