She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
