So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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