I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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