sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Two words: nipple clamps
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