my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
