Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
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just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
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Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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