he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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