What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
His hands were made for my vagina.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
