she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Randomize
