Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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