When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
