I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
