you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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