The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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