is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
