Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
