My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
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we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
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The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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