Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
