Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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