so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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