We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
