I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
