I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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