she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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