don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
