Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
She even gives head with a lisp.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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