singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
